Emotional and physical ride from last couple of days

Sofia left with her swim team for the competition Wednesday afternoon. It’s 2.5 hrs away from Brasilia and she’s going with the club. I was concerned as she doesn’t really have friends with this group, she’s the youngest as this competition is for kids 13 years and older. She turned 13 the second day of the competition. She shares the room with two other girls, almost strangers as she doesn’t train with them. so you can imagine my nerve. Fortunately she never asked not to go nor expressed too much concern. We kept communication through WA and she seems to be adapting well to this older group. Parents are not allowed to ride with them in the bus, nor to watch the first morning, and not to dine nor sleep with them. Each kid can do up to 5 individual races over the course of 3 days, 8am to 8pm with 2.5 hrs break around lunch time. No matter if one has competition or not, everyone goes to the race, do the warm up, and stays until the end with the team mates to cheer each other up. The purpose is to get used to “real” swim competition with the team.

I was super busy at work Thursday morning, even stressful as I need to re-do few things before sending it out on Monday. But I left office 12pm on time to go to see Sofia and stay with her for two nights. I drove as fast as I could despite my sleepiness, barely sleep due to work things. I got there and she was about to leave for the afternoon program. I joined her, driving my car to follow their bus.

Then I stayed with her until 6:30pm, cheering her up for her two swims. She did well on one and not so well the other. I am happy that I was there with her. I went back to hotel and crashed to bed 7:30pm.

Friday was her actual birthday so I tried to spend as much time as I could while dealing with work emergency. I asked the coach to let her have dinner with me and sleep in my room as it was her birthday. Fortunately the “strict” coach agreed and we went to a French restaurant for dinner and then hotel.

I left her Saturday while she had breakfast with her team at 6:15am. I got home 8:30am.

I miss her tremendously. I could feel she’s growing up, becoming independent, needing less of me. I see she made friend with one of the girls, and seems to enjoy her company.

I think my role is to distant myself when she’s fine and happy, and be there for her when she needs a warm hug or cry. This is the natural process of parenting, I guess, yet I can’t help to feel sad. She’s still with me, I know, but I feel like she’s leaving me already, or at least part of her.

At 13, she is becoming a whole person. Responsible, driven, independent, caring for others, loves reading, Cookie, hang out with friends from school, chat with her friends from Manila and Jakarta, baking, explore new places. She is starting to have some attitude as teens, but not too often nor too bad. When it happens, I refrain from over reacting, keep reminding myself her hormonal rides.

I can vividly remember each year of her growing up. Holding her in my arms, nursing her in the middle of the night, her food coma face, just as yesterday.

I joke that she’s my first love, and it will always be that way, special, unique. She taught me what’s true love, how amazing is to be a mom, her mom.

I hope I get to be her safe heaven forever. I hope whatever she faces in life, she knows that she can always come back to me, to home, no matter what.

Her phone died yesterday so I haven’t heard from her for over 12 hrs and I am again worried as hell. oh well… going to pick her up now and give her a big hug.