Things I am working (professionally)

I had two meetings outside of office that took the whole day. When I finally finished and, on the way, back to office, I got an email that felt like a cold bucket of water on my warm head. The way comments were written felt like personal attack, diminishing, mean spirit. It is not personal, not toward me alone, not the first time, but every time it felt hash, too harsh.

Conversation at dinner table with the girls were about how to give feedback. We even role played how to give feedback in a kind and constructive way. I say a “nasty” comment and the girls rephrased the comment to make it more constructive. It was a fun exercise. Giving thought feedback is not easy but it’s worth it.

That led me to today’s post. About things that I am working on professionally:

• Provide constructive feedback. I could be quite critical and feel the urge to let the person know that his/her work is not up to my standard. While the message will come across clearer if I just speak out my mind, I know they won’t be effective to change behavior. Nobody wants to get criticized, so if my objective is for their willingness to change, then I have to put extra effort to think how to frame the criticism into something constructive. It doesn’t come naturally to me, and I am still getting used to do that every day.
• Control the impulse to respond. I’ve had more lessons about rushing into responding something to later wish I could have sit on it for few hours/days. This applies everywhere but more at professional situation as nobody wants to deal with an emotional person acting irrationally. I am learning to realize the urge at the moment, and force myself to pause.
• Mentor who wants to be mentored. While some think everyone has potential and we have obligation to help junior staff grow, I come to realize that I am not willing to put the effort when the outcome is highly unlikely. Some are just happy where they are and might not have professional ambition, so I should respect that and dedicate more time and effort to those that need and appreciate mentorship.
• Allow myself to be upset and move on. I think I am good at not taking things personally, but at the times it gets me (like yesterday). I would feel bad for feeling bad for things happening at work, even might leak to my personal life. I come to realize that it’s not realistic to expect to separate them 100% of the time, and it’s okay to feel bad about things that happen, process it, and move on when I am ready. I’d share my frustration with the girls so they also understand that I didn’t have a good day, and that is okay too.