Some reflections or ASAs and what I hope they learn through them.
Both Sofia (13) and Lizzy (9) do the following:
- Swim training, 3 times a week 1.5 hrs each session. They also participate competitions when happens.
- Kumon, daily worksheets and twice in person sessions
- Piano practice daily 30-40 min. Once week theory zoom lesson, once a week practice zoom lesson.
- Mandarin Sofia once week over zoom.
That’s a lot, right?! I would say so compared to my generation. But maybe not enough according to others asian parents.
I often question myself whether they are doing too much. Daddy often questions whether they are needed, or helpful for college applications (which I always argue against to think that way).
Few reflections that made me decide to stick to these:
- It took 5 years to finally find the joy in piano for Sofia. If we let her decide to stop at first, she would not have gotten where she is. She is 2 levels away to finish all levels. She is motivated enough to find own songs to practice.
- Same applies for Kumon. They both hated at first, the daily practice need. Yet, they persevered. Sofia is convinced Kumon helps her school tests and math Olympia, it gave her confidence on math and reading. Lizzy is not there yet and often complains about it. But I am confident she will get there one day soon.
- Lizzy’s recent swimming break through made her realize she can achieve what she puts her mind to it.
I don’t expect them to excel in any of them to the extend to get selected by ivy league. BUT they are super important for them to develop
- Discipline. daily, weekly practice, no matter rain or shine, no matter they are tired or not, no matter we travel or not.
- Overcoming struggle through effort and persistence. realizing that the struggle in the moment is temporary. they can get through it. that build confidence
- To be comfortable being uncomfortable. This is why I love running.
- Learn that effort matters more than talent, in most cases. Through practice day in and out, one can master anything.
- The bliss moment of flow. They don’t come easy nor often, but when they come, it is magic!
It’s holiday in Brasilia, the much needed break I need. So far so good
A sweet message from my colleague in Manila (I left Manila 2022)
Prepared breakfast for Sofia before I left for a run, sticky rice with mango and coconut sauce
she got up at 6am, ate breakfast as she was hungry, and went back to bed to sleep another hour.
Mango from street. This is the season of mango and we stopped buying mangos
Just had my lunch: brown rice, black bean, tofu, and assorted vegetables
Lizzy had ravioli, Sofia had salmon with rice and cucumber, husband had avocado potato salad, rest of greens, and salmon. We all ate different things.
Girls love reading while eating. not the best habit, but better than with the phone, right?
Rest of the day, I plan to finish this book, start a new one, and pool time.
Our New Journey 
I LOVE to read while I eat and I wish my kids liked reading enough to want to do it at the table 🙂
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I loved this post. I struggle with kids activities sometimes. We have: piano just for my daughter who is seven, jiu jitsu for my son who is 5. Gymnastics for both. IXL learning for free time (an online platform similar to kumon). Reading before bed, every night. Some movies, they just discovered Stillwater a series based on a book, about a panda that teaches Buddhist teachings. And time outside. Oh and crafting- just making things from whatever they find. Cardboard, boxes, Legos.
I don’t think that your girls do too much, I think it’s just right.
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I also love to read while I eat, I always have. Like you said, it’s better than screen time!
I think your girls do a reasonable amount. It sounds like it’s enriching for them. If they started to complain a lot and feel burned out, you could eliminate something, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.
I’m not sure what you’re thinking about for college, but I know here colleges really look for extracurricular activities as well as grades. So- any extra thing they do will help.
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I’m glad that thinking about college is far off for us. There is so much pressure around that decision. I have a little bit of a different view on college paths because I did not go to a prestigious university – I went to my state school because that was the more economical option (I paid for my own college since I was 1 of 5 kids). I have had a very successful career. Phil also did not go to a prestigious school. He went to a liberal arts college in Minnesota and is also very successful.
Finding the right level of activities is such a personal decision that is made based on families values and ability to support those interests. For us, we are constrained by our work schedules. I travel twice/month most of the year so that means Phil is the person that has to get people to things. So Will is currently only in swimming lessons. He’ll start sport activities when he’s in Kindergarten and hopefully it will not conflict too much with Paul. He’ll start piano when he’s in 2nd grade. We will never do travel sports team. It’s hard to envision us doing club sports except POSSIBLY swimming if either boy takes interest in that. We just don’t have the bandwidth to be supporting a really intense extracurricular. Our kids are not going to be college athletes so while I want them to be active and healthy, I don’t need them in a super intense sport! I know some might judge us for making that decision, but we’d need to have different, more flexible jobs in order to let the kids do more intense extracurriculars.
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This topic resonates with me so much. I feel like it is such a difficult balance to find, between allowing a child to quit an activity that they don’t enjoy/aren’t getting something from and pushing them to continue growing in an activity for all the great reasons you list. My daughter takes tennis weekly, and she showed early promise in the sport, but has hit a plateau and wants to quit. But I think it’s so important to PUSH THROUGH that plateau! I did allow her to quit piano, though, because it was such a horrific struggle every week. And I second guess that all the time. I remember hating piano sometimes, but I’m so glad my parents had me stick with it. It’s so frustrating that all these things we appreciate as adults seem so onerous to us as kids! I guess that’s why we need parents to guide us.
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