When to be flexible

It was national holiday in the Philippines to celebrate lunar year so we had busy day. I started with a run followed by 30 min full body strength session at the gym. Look who came to pay me a visit? So cute! She’s asking if gym is opened for kids so she can workout with me.

the family went to watch a dragon show organized by our building while I enjoyed a quiet breakfast. They came back 30 min later with 4 more kids. They kids wanted to stay for play… but I wasn’t in mood to host a playdate. Too noisy, too loud, too much. So I told Sofia that they cannot have a playdate as they have to finish kumon before we go to golf. She was a bit disappointed but she didn’t argue and delivered the sad message to the kids.

Something similar happened the night before. Sofia and Lizzy were playing with two kids in the park. After they came back for dinner, they wanted to continue to play. The mother asked if they can come to our place with their dinner or we go to theirs. I kindly declined the invite as our bedtime is 8pm and we need to prepare 1-2 hrs earlier.

Am I inflexible? The reason I declined those is rather selfish because I prefer a quiet home and I protect my good night sleep at all cost! Well… it is really not at all cost, but at a high cost. I can think at least few reasons for me to break those rules. For example if it’s to celebrate with my love ones a special occasion, or an invite from friends that I really enjoy spending time with. Otherwise, I don’t see ENOUGH reason to compromise my wellness, and I don’t feel bad declining. Is it selfish? I am sure it is on the eyes of others, and I’m fine with that. I am not inflexible, I am just not flexible 99% of the time πŸ™‚

We went to golf as a family first time since 2022 as the rules just changed this month. I truly enjoy family activity… the moment we all gather our golf bags and water, I found myself smiling at the mirror.

Another moment of smile is when I told hubby that I don’t see the point of people sending group greeting messages (for the Chinese new year). It’s not personalized, so why should I even bother to answer? He said I feel exactly the same!!! Although I know him for 30 years, those moments of understanding are still wonderful…. and makes me so grateful that he’s the One. πŸ™‚

3 thoughts on “When to be flexible

  1. I try to be flexible with the boys, within reason, if they want to do things with their friends. Not always, of course, but I think that social interactions are a huge part of their life right now- it’s normal, and very developmentally appropriate, to desire a lot of social time for kids/early teen years. I have incredible memories of my youth with my friends and I think overall it’s a good, healthy thing for them- so I TRY to provide lots of time for them to be with friends, and I try not to say “no” more than I need to. Obviously, there have to be limits, too though- family time is still important, as well as their responsibilities and such.

    If you are normally not flexible, maybe you can make a point every now and then to “let loose” and really surprise them with a big YES when you might normally say no…It would probably delight them and they would look back someday on those moments…like, “oh my gosh, remember when mom let us have that impromptu sleepover with so and so friend and we ate ice cream and and laughed and played and all stayed up late?? that was so fun!!” (or whatever you did). πŸ™‚

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  2. thank you Kae. this is a good suggestion. I try to find the compromise of giving them enough social time during day time without having to compromise family/rest time. I fully agree with you that social interaction is sooooo important for them. They are actually having a sleepover this weekend and they’re thrilled. πŸ™‚

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  3. It is so hard to find balance. I think I’m more flexible than a lot of people, but my kids want 100% flexibility which then leaves me either frustrated or guilty. But it’s a hard season of life where the kids are old enough to be independent…but not old enough to REALLY be independent. They still need oversight and I have to communicate with people for playdates.
    If I had my way we’d do a LOT less socially because it really drains my introverted soul. As it is, I typically crash every week or so from being exhausted…but it’s also hard to say no because I know they’re extroverted and really cherish time with friends.
    No real advice, just know I struggle to juggle it all too.

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