I found this article very interesting. There has been so much debate about how much parenting influences kids’ outcomes. I used to think we influence 20%, but I’m shifting to think it’s maybe half. Note that I derive joy for all the things I do with the kids and for the kids as time spent with loved ones are time well spent in my book, even on things as mundane as brushing teeth together. I’m not doing them hoping they will be successful, whatever metric of success we are talking about. Outcomes depend in so many factors, many of them we cannot control, yet the opportunities and exposures kids have in life do depend largely on parents.
The author argues that parenting style sometimes is a choice, but mostly it’s the result of life circumstances parents are in. Some parents may want to spend more time with the kids, it is hard if one needs to work 9 to 5 plus commuting time, life responsibilities, and personal time. It is a luxury to have time spent with the kids, especially in their early years, as I expect them to need less of me in the future.
Once I realized how lucky we are, I see daily routines with a different lens, filtered with gratitude.
My favorite moments with the kids:
- morning hugs
- packing their lunches
- make their hair
- bed time routine
- walking with them
- accompanying them roller blading
- dinner chat
- exercise with them
- taking them to places, casual chat on the ride
- traveling with them
- sharing highlights of the day
- listening to their school stories
- seeing them playing chess (latest!)
What are your favorites things to do with the kids? How would you describe your parenting style?
Our New Journey 
It’s hard to describe my parenting style since I am in the very young kid years. I think this stage is intensive no matter what since my kids require so much attention and monitoring. It’s really physically demanding since I’m dressing them, changing diapers/pull-ups still, bathing them, etc. I imagine we’ll fall under the description of “intensive parenting” as it’s described by the author, though. My favorite things to do with my kids are to work on puzzles, read books, good for walks, watching their pretend play, etc. I enjoyed traveling with Paul when we went to AZ in April. Will is still at a very tough age for travel but I know that will get better in a couple of years and I’ll enjoy traveling as a family more and more. Right now, it’s kind of a “slog” to be completely honest, especially if it requires car travel.
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I have really been enjoying puttering in the kitchen while the kids have breakfast in the morning. It feels important to me to have at least a few minutes to connect with them before they go off for the day. When I used to work in the hospital, I would leave before they were even awake, and that made me sad.
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