Actions to preserve attention and focus

Stolen focus and sandwich combined urged me to take action to preserve my attention and focus to be spent in where I value the most. You guess it, my family. Although I am overall not addicted to phone, when it is near sight, it is often tempted to want to check something when it is not really urgent. When few minutes of spare time between waiting the taxi, or a meeting to start, I tend to check email, messages out of boredom.

What I learned from Stolen focus:

• Task switching is costly. It takes us 20 min in average to refocus once we get distracted by something else.
• The internet/social media are designed to steal our attention. How many times do we forget what we want to do when we grab our phone because we are distracted by something else?
• Short form reading make our attention span shrink over time and can’t focus when we need to read long form articles. We tend to jump around finding key words instead of reading slowly, which is needed to absorb the information.
• Our mind needs space to breath. If we make it focus to something ALL the time, mind can’t rest and recharge. Our mind cannot settle into calm for sleep if we keep it busy until we hit the pillow.
• When we grab a phone when we are with our kids, it sends the message that the phone or whatever is on the phone is more important than them. THIS IS A BIG ONE!
• The constant doing/thinking/reading is part of our productivity seeking culture. But are we really more productive when we don’t take time to rest? The analogy of an athlete training cycle is pretty good. When training, rest and recovery is part of the training. It’s not waste of time, it’s part of the training to become better!

Takeaway from sandwich is pretty clear: family is what matters to me, my time with the girls are limited, very limited, enjoy them now, everyday, every moment, when possible.

My plan:

Phone usage:

• Deleted email from my phone except work email as I often need to check when going to meetings. If I really need to check email for something, I can always use web browser.
• Removed feedly. I read blogs on leisure time, usually in the morning, lunch break.
• Remove non essential apps. Offload non essential apps so I don’t see them.
• Let the family know that I won’t be checking messages when we are all at home. If they need to tell me something, come and talk to me (this applies mostly to husband). Also, don’t expect me to respond messages right away as I will not be looking my phone. Lizzy has become the phone police at home during family meal time. It started when we were in Bali and she’s very proud of her job! She carries a bag around and put our phones in it when we are about to have family meal. It’s the cutest thing!
• Have kindle app in the main screen. When waiting or have spare time that I feel like enough space has been given to my mind, I can read.
• When I am with the girls, I will not be looking at my phone, almost ever. If I need to do something, order food or order a taxi, I will pick up the phone and tell them what I am going to do. They are more important than emails/anything.

Behavior:

• Eat without phone, laptop, kindle, book. Eating alone without distraction is time for reflection and planning. Eating with others is time for connection and listening.
• Leave space for mind to rest, wander, be busy, un-load. This means avoid multi tasking especially when walking, doing chores. I notice that when I don’t listen to music or podcast when walking or taking a ride, my mind is pretty busy with thoughts, past images, future plans, to do list, questions, observations , busy busy. Then I wonder if I don’t let them out, where would they go? Would I be suppressing my emotions by not letting them out on time and regularly?
• Take short breaks during the day. Doing nothing. Lie down, close eyes, no music, nada, just rest. How long will it take for me to feel recharged? Time becomes elastic when we “focus” on nothing.
• Have an unwinding routine after work day. I am still trying to figure out the best way to use after-work before dinner time, usually 1-2 hrs. Maybe I could go to the gym for short strength/yoga session, I could go to sauna for 10 min silence, I could walk to get next day’s groceries. Ideally something that involves moving, without devises.

What do I expect to achieve with these:

• Less cluttered and unfocused mind so when I need to focus I don’t feel distracted.
• I could see things more clearly, my surroundings, people’s emotions, my loved ones being and doing.
• Better rest, better processing of potential stress triggers by allowing active processing of events, ideas, thoughts.
• More connected with my family as I won’t be rushed to go back to anything. Time spent with the family is time well spent.

Q: Have you read the book? Do you have tips to keep your focus?