I am reading Awareness. At first I find it too radical, the concept of being aware the source of our discontent, mostly because we care what others think of us, what we are missing having, what we add to the list of wants/needs that are actually not real. But I kept going few chapters a day.
I had a rough start of week at work. Things happen and they bother me. Physically, I am near PMS or at PMS so nothing looks as rosy as it is last week. I got home on Monday, finding the house a big messy (not really) as the cleaning lady last came last Wednesday and we are in the brink of falling to disaster (not really). I was a hunger monster and ate too many slides of bread and felt bloated just right after. Yet, I had another call at 5:30pm while the family was arriving by 6:15pm and dinner was not ready yet. Oh… did I mention the laundry basket is overflowing with cloth that needed to be folded?
I went to bed annoyed with everything and slept poorly.
Tuesday I woke up with not enough sleep but wanted to take time to process Monday’s event before the family wakes up.
I spent an hour on the floor with yoga Nidra on the background, Bubble on my belly, the cutest thing ever, soothing my soul. Cat is really the best therapy!!!
And I realized: what really bothered me. I seek validation, respect, trust from others, even people at work. When I don’t get it, I get disappointed as if it’s personal attack.
On my way to office, I texted a colleague from Jakarta, seeking advice and/or comfort. My literal word was: people are friendly and smile at my face, holding a knife behind their back.
That’s the best way I can describe it.
And he said: yes, that’s the toughest part of this job. you need to smile and take out your own knife when it’s really needed.
THERE! that’s the core of my issue. I am used to true camaraderie and friendship, which I had the privilege to enjoy over the last 8 years, and I got used to it. This friend is one of the kindest person I know and I trust his words. It’s a hard truth.
I need to grow up and deal with office politics for real this time.
On the bright side:
- Sofia is enjoying new school and planning a playdate with her friends this weekend. pizza party?
- Lizzy got invited to a birthday party
- I had a good catch up with someone at work and starting a new intellectual entertainment project
- I slept well last night
- I had a great run to process my emotions.
- Bubble and Cookie are slowly tolerating each other, mostly Cookie who gave up attaching Bubble while Bubble really wants to play
- I am so happy Elizabeth started her own paid subscription. I didn’t read any post before subscribing because I love her writing, she’s so kind and I want to support her.
Our New Journey 
Woof, office politics are always rough and this sounds especially so. I’m sorry Coco! That sucks.
I wonder if I should read that book? I will look into it and figure out if it’s something I want to get through.
Even with your tough day you had a lot of bright things – sending hugs and hope there are more. xo
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Ooof. That sounds like a tough day. I’m so sorry you’re going through challenges at work. That’s exhausting and of course trickles over into how you feel outside of work.
Thanks for the Patreon shout-out and I so appreciate you supporting my work this way ❤
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Oh, that sounds like such a draining start to the week. I’m so glad Bubble was there to bring you back to calm!
I do believe trust and camaraderie at work are still out there, and every bump just makes us treasure those genuine connections even more.
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That book sounds great- I’m going to see if I can get it from my library.
I hope that as you settle into this job more, you’ll find the same camaraderie as you had in the old one. Maybe not with every single person, but there should be some like-minded people who will be coworkers and friends?
I agree- cat therapy is the best. There’s something SO comforting about having a cat snuggling with you!
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Office politics are tough. I hope things get better as you get to know people better. We spend so much time at work that it’s hard to feel uncomfortable there!!
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