Parenting high and low

Low: I found out by accident that Sofia didn’t finish many of her kumon worksheets when she would answer me she did. I don’t like to micro manage so I don’t usually check on her. Then I found out many half done worksheets and I got mad. She was in camp so I had a full morning to digest the “news” and think how to address it. To me, it feels betrayal yet I wasn’t sure if I should expect her (almost 10 years old) to be responsible and prioritizes finishing work over play. I planned to calmly talked to her but when she came home, I lashed out expressing my frustration without reserve. She cried and felt sorry. I told her no more play until she demonstrates she can be trusted and responsible.

Yet, I still doubt myself whether I am asking too much. My parents never supervised my studies, NEVER, because they were busy making a life. But I know 99% of the parents do play an important role for Chinese students including my husband. So I am undecided which role I want to take as mom.

High: we had vegan lasagna for dinner last night. It wasn’t very good, too sour from the homemade tomato sauce. Even husband didn’t want a second serving. But both girls ate it without too much fuss, Sofia even had second serving. It made me happy to know they are no longer picky eaters. The vegan lasagna had zucchini and eggplant, and tofu sauce instead of ricotta.

I finished the book and enjoyed this quote:

We tend to think that every moment, deacon,s, success, and failure is critical, but what’s critical over time is that our children become loyal friends, good partners, honest and reliable workers, have a strong moral center, and develop other worthy attributes. Our goal as parent is to be courageous enough to give our kids the time and opportunities they need to cultivate these qualities, and to model them ourselves.

3 thoughts on “Parenting high and low

  1. Oof, that’s a tough one. We’ve had a few situations like that lately too, where there has been some dishonesty. That is the worst part, I think- feeling that your kids lied to you or that you can’t trust them. I know it’s normal. They do not have fully developed brains yet! And even adults aren’t perfect, so we can’t expect that from kids. But it is hard, because they need to learn the lessons, too… And honesty and truthfulness are huge for me.

    Brainstorming here….Sofia seems generally very responsible, hard working, practices piano, does camp, goes to lessons, doesn’t do screen time, etc. It’s a lot- so what if you said something like, “if you ever feel you just need a little break from your worksheets, come and TELL ME, but do not lie about it.” Maybe you could work out something where like, once per week or once every 2 weeks she could have a “free pass” day where she could skip the worksheets or do less- but only if she is honest with you and does what she is supposed to the other times. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel the need to lie/ cover herself taking a break? If she knew she had one free pass to use every so often, maybe it would take some pressure off while still otherwise maintaining high expectations and standards.

    We tried that in the past with piano when the boys were younger- I’d let the boys choose one day to take a “free pass” day, and they were in control of choosing which day they would take off from practicing. They liked getting to control it, and practiced more cheerfully on all the other days, knowing they had the option of a pass on another day. I don’t know, just brainstorming. 🙂

    But overall, I don’t think it’s tooooo strange that a 10 year old doesn’t want to do worksheets while on summer break from school. 😉 So don’t worry too much.

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    1. love the idea, I’ll try. thanks for the thoughtful comment Kae. I’m glad you’re few years ahead of me in term of parenting so you are more experienced. I feel we share similar values. 🙂

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