I listened to this episode on equity in marriage, I realized I am not the one that is doing the heavy lifting. The two ladies host are stay at home moms, I really appreciate their views of being the one not working outside the house, the default parent, the spouse that relies on other spouse’s income, the one that spends more time with the kids.
As I was listening to it, I realized how fortunate I am to come to work, to interact with other human beings in person, to have gossip/venting sessions, to have lunch or coffee with them talking about life, hobbies, or anything that sounds interesting. Meanwhile he stays at home either alone or with the kids, having to deal with their fights, bad attitude, driving them around, not having financial autonomy or the perception of it. This is really HARD WORK!
I did the mental switch for a while, to appreciate his hard work, but oh man… this episode hit home.
I barely had time to talk to him this week. Last night, after he got back, he took a bath and went straight to bed at 8pm and started snoring 5 min later. I know he was tired. Driving kids to school in the morning, pick Sofia at 2pm, then pick Lizzy at 3pm, then drive Sofia to swim at 4pm and stay around the campus until she finishes and drive back 7pm. That’s hard! I am sure I’d burn out in one day.
Few things I learned that I could do more to support him:
- Express my appreciation more explicitly
- Give him free time by himself
- Support his hobbies
- Talk about finance as family finance
- Encourage him to tell me what he needs
Our New Journey 
It is good to recognize what our partners are doing and make sure they feel appreciated. Phil and I both work outside the home so our situation is different but he does a lot of solo parenting when I travel. He also does a lot around the house, some because of his frugality. Like he does all of the cleaning because he didn’t want to rehire a cleaner. We had one up until Will was born and then took a pause to lower exposure to others since we were in peak pandemic times. But he does all of the lawn care and fixes things and such. I do a lot, too, and tend to do more solo parenting on the weekend so he can grocery shop, mow the lawn, etc. I make sure he knows that I think he has the harder job when I am traveling, though.
LikeLike
Does your husband work from home or is he a SAHD? I think it’s so important to appreciate and see the work that partners do in relationships and to express gratitude and acknowledgment more freely. It’s not hard to be kind to your spouse when we try 😉
LikeLike
he is SAHD due to the nature of my job, changing location every few years. I’m deeply grateful for his support and try to show it to him as often as possible. you are right, it’s not hard to be kind when we try.
LikeLike