Day 54: I want to lock myself up

Another day without nose bleed! YAY! I think keeping her nose hydrated really helps. If I can keep her bleed free for 7 days using this method, then I know she is fine.

Yesterday evening I was tired mentally as it involved a lot of deep thinking at work. While the girls were reading in my room, I went to the bathroom to clear my mind and just be myself. 2 min later, they came in for something… and I almost screamed, and said: when I have the door closed, it means I don’t want to be disturb! If it’s not urgent, wait outside.

Almost two months locked up, having them asking something every 2 mins,  I really need sometime alone to regroup and calm my anxiety. I only get to have quiet time in the morning before they wake up, which is 4:30am, so I get 2 hours of alone time. By 6:30am until 8pm t, I feel constantly being pooled by dozens of directions. Often time it’s about someone took someone’s else toy, aka, complains. I feel sick of listening to them. Mainly because when i hear them, i feel a bucket of negative energy was throwed on me, and I’m angry. I work very hard to keep my calm, but every time I hear a complain from either of them, I feel like three steps back on my calmness level.

Somedays I’m calmer than others, but yesterday I felt I was losing it. I need to go out, be alone, find my centre.

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