We had a usual chill weekend. I had a strong feeling about needing to shift my way to parent my girls but can’t put a finger on what and how. I returned to blank pages to organize my thoughts, to craft a plan (slowdown, reflect, research), and felt a bit better as I started the week.
Friday: I delivered a care package for a team member that welcomed his third child last week (cake, flower, lots of yummy goodies). I had Physio therapy who also sees Sofia. She noticed how much Sofia has changed physically (taller, stronger) and personality wise (she used to be totally silent and now she engages in a conversation. I got the travel authorization signed for Lizzy’s upcoming field trip.
Saturday: I had my longest run so far this year, 14.7 miles and felt great! My knee only started to feel something (no pain) around 13/14 miles. Big improvement from before. I also felt I could have kept going for another few miles but I am playing safe to preserve the good progress. I tried a local gel that tastes sooooo bad but its effect was great. I also tried taking Nitro400 which is a beetroot concentrates, supposedly help with delivering more oxygen. It was recommended by my Physio who also runs. I don’t know if it’s placebo effect but I think it helped?! Girls had an event at school in the morning so I spent my morning relaxing and cooked lunch. Afternoon was spent napping, reading this book, evening walk with Sofia, and early bed time.
Sunday: 6 miles recovery run followed by 1 hr biking with Sofia. Then I spent 1.5 hours talking to mom over the phone, our new tradition of Sunday FaceTime. I used to do that when I was living in the US alone and then stopped. I am glad that slowly we established this new tradition to have a regular touch point. I usually bake/cook while I talk to her so the conversation is casual. I made a chicken noodle for the family and they loved it. I also made a new batch of sourdough bagel as the last batch is already gone. I always feel the urge to meal prep for the family before my trips. I finished the book in the afternoon. I really enjoyed it, loved being absorbed by the story, a true story.
The most important relationships are with ourself, with our spouse, and our children. I don’t master any of these but committed to keep learning, keep adapting to the circumstances. Now that the girls are 13 and almost 10, I feel the subtle shift, what has been working may not longer work. The way I engage with them may need to change. I feel sad when I think about them not needing me in the near future, to choose their friends and hobbies over spending time with me, to dismiss my advice despite my best intention. I often ask myself what’s wrong after a gesture that felt cruel, a reaction that seems too much. Yet, I don’t want to make this about me. I want to be the mom they need to grow in a self sufficient, confident, kind person. So the search starts again. I’ll do “research” about parenting teens, I know… later than many others, but it’s only now that I really feel they are turning into teens/tweens.
When I shift the focus to a new journey, I feel lighter. I am more optimistic and confident that I’ll find the path. Isn’t this journey of parenting an opportunity to grow?
Our New Journey 
Oh, I can imagine that it’s hard. But I admire how thoughtful you are as a parent in sensing that shift although you can’t quite name it yet or know how to address it.
It reminds me of a quote I read once, it was something like the goal of parenting is to make yourself gradually redundant. I thought it captures both the beauty and the bittersweet side of raising children.
But, the running, Coco!! Congratulations on that strong 14.7 mile run! Well done! Your rehab and patience is paying off!
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It’s definitely a journey! I think the hardest thing about teens is just realizing/ accepting that you actually can’t control them anymore. I mean, little kids are their own people too, but you can basically “make” a little kid do things, if needed. It’s much harder with teens! You can’t ‘make’ them want the same things you might want for them, either, or make them care about something they actually don’t, etc. Of course we still play a big role and I’m not saying we just have to totally back off and let them run their own lives already. But we do have to accept that we might feel differently about some things than they do. Or certain things might matter more (or less) to them than WE think they should. We have to let them develop their own styles of doing things and figure things out on their own.
Sometimes I get so frustrated because the boys don’t do certain things or behave certain ways or think about things the way that “I” did at their age, that I might wish they did, too. And Ivan will be like, they’re not mini-yous! You can’t expect them to think and behave exactly like you…. for better or worse! They both have certain skills and behaviors though that I did NOT, and I admire. So it goes both ways.
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They still will need you, in fact they will need you more, but in a different capacity. It is a shift, but an important one. It seems like it’s a shift toward being more of a counsellor – stepping back to see them make their own decisions and live their lives, but being there for them. It’s hard! But very satisfying to see your children mature into the adults they will become.
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