Day 97: how peers shape our values

These couple of days with the office drama (there was another minor one two days ago) made me realise how much of our peers shape our value system, even at the age of 40. I always thought I have a very clear sense of right and wrong, good and bad, and those grey zones. But when things happen (like the dramas I had this week), those person do/say things in such a natural and confident ways made me wonder was I wrong all these years? I think at the end this question is what bothered me the most because it would shake my value system. Fortunately my friends, colleagues and boss are all in agreement with me, and my boss even said: always do what you think it’s right! which is comforting to know. At the same time it shows how important is who we are surrounded with because imagine if everyone has different values than me, eventually my values will change too because as part of social animal, we tend to go with the social norm.

This is reflected in my kids too. The other day I told Lizzy that her BFF has been acting out, refusing to do any homework, not listening to her mom and became violent with the helpers. I told her clearly that this is not tolerable behaviour, especially not being kind with others. And nowadays, Lizzy keeps repeating that her friend is not good because she’s violet and she doesn’t want to play with her anymore.

Similarly, because we do everything as a family, Sofia always prefers we go out/travel as a family. One year for her birthday i took her to Tokyo Disney alone as birthday present. She had a lot of fun and loved being with mama 24/7 but when we returned, she said next time we go as a family.

I am grateful to be surrounded like minded people with strong moral values. I hope I can provide the similar environment to the girls as they grow up as I realise no one borns with strong values, they are shaped by their family environment and their peers.

Now back to recap the day which was semi-relaxing and I mostly didn’t work except dealing with some urgent emails.

For a second day in a row I didn’t sleep well so my run suffered this morning. When I am not training for race, I don’t check the watch while I’m running, only when I finish to check if my perceived effort matches with the stats, 90% of the time they do.

after the girls are done with “homework” we went to the pool. I wanted to start a new book but my eyes were closing.

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Then I went to a lunch date at my colleague friends house (she lives 7 floors down) with another friend. It was a nice girls lunch. While I’ve been seeing them separately over the last few weeks and chat almost daily, it was nice to actually get together when we are not rushing, not as part of the work meeting, and without kids. The food was yummy too: Korean bibimpab and vegan coffee ice cream. Sooo yummy!

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soooo good!

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Took a nap after lunch with full belly and tender storm, woke up disoriented.

I didn’t accomplish much of my to-do list though, just baked the bread.

Q: are you conflict avoidant type? How do you handle difficult conversations?

I don’t like conflict but I won’t compromise when things are not right nor fair. I had the difficult conversation with that colleague. I started the conversation to make it clear that I was not fine with what he did, so there’s nothing to be interpreted. Then moved on to work. I think I might have sound a bit aggressive, but at least my point was clear and loud.

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