It was a busy but not so busy Monday because half of my mind was still processing recent events. I even managed to do crafting with Sofia for almost an hour. I am finding it soothing and bounding even we don’t really talk much.
I’ve been thinking big moments in life, those that might not be momentous like graduation, birth, but those that change your perspective in life for a long time. I think only retrospectively we notice those moments and not at that moment. Life is a journey and I take everything that happens as a lesson to understand the journey more, appreciate it more, but also be realistic of what it offers. At this moment, it comes to mind these:
- first morning in Buenos Aires when we immigrated, I was 9.
- the moment I said goodbye to my parents to go to China alone for two years while they stayed in Japan for work. I was 10.
- final breakup with my first boyfriend after 3.5 years of relationship. I was 21.
- first time I arrived US alone for my Ph.D, I was 26.
- the day I asked for divorce after 14 years of relationship. I was 34.
- the day husband and I got back together, after being apart and lived separate lives for 14 years. I was 34.
- the day we found out I was pregnant with Lizzy, I was 35.
- the night my mom woke me up and we learned my dad passed away alone in Buenos Aires, I was 38.
As I recount these moments in my mind, what they have in common is that they were moments of unknown about life after that. Looking from now, they were all great and critical changes that led me to where I am now. They taught me important lessons about life and about myself, parts that I didn’t know exist in me.
I think I need to write down these memories as I’m afraid that one day i no longer remember details of those moments. Remembering some of these could be hard but they are part of me and I want to keep them, even maybe one day share with my girls when they are older.
You might wonder what triggered me to all these deep thoughts. Something happened in the last few days that made me realise I’m still naive in certain things, although i’ll turn 40 in few months. The pursue of right and wrong, and the believe that people I admire will keep that in mind regardless of circumstances is naive. Everyone values his/her interest above all, doing what’s right and not what’s easy is too hard for 99.9% of the people. So I wrote down in my one-line journal yesterday: Nobody will defend you except your loved ones and your self.