Loves in life

Sunday usuals: morning solo run + run with Sofia. The last two 200 meters was fun as it started to rain hard so we both got an extra push at the finishing line. All soaked and happy! Now she understands why I still run when it’s heavy rain outside. My thoughts get clearer with the sound of heavy rain. 🙂

I watched the Great Gatsby movie alone. It was a rather long movie so it required me full attention to savour it. I was eager to know who play different roles. That’s the best part of watching a movie after you read the book, isn’t it? I must say, the cast is perfect to the characters of the book. I also enjoyed the choices of my quotes from the book to be said in the movie. Like:

“I hope she’ll be a fool — that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” 
I knew that when I kissed this girl I would be forever wed to her. So I stopped. I stopped and I waited. I waited for a moment longer. Then I just let myself go.

It made me wonder: even in love, we shall seek balance and not tilted toward one type of love or person.

In my teens and twenties, love to my boyfriend was The love that matters. As any teenager, I went through the roller coaster of early loves. I thought that was how love should be, passionate, intense, life dominating.

Then I had children and I realised love to one’s own kids is so much more grandiose, devotional, true love that seeks no return and always forgiving. It also made me understand and appreciate love to my ageing parents. How much of their being and doing was to make a better life and future for me.

Shifting out of babyhood, love changes again. From act of love to keep the baby alive to act of showing and saying love to the girls with spontaneous hugs and kisses because I am so afraid they will one day stop welcoming them. Love with a sense of nostalgia even they are still so little. Love at this stage also comes with conflicting feeling of just let them be vs. education or preparing them for life, which requires discipline and saying no often. Parenting is a form of art, and very hard.

Romantic love also shifted from intense, passionate, to a lesser important role (not life dominating), it’s just part of the mix of love I need to be happy. Romantic love becomes a bonus as the default became partnership to run the family and raise our children. It might seem seem disappointing or sad, but the learning was to realise that this is okay and ask for no more.

Friendship love increased its important in my late 30s. Part of the reason is that some relationship has cemented over the years. If we could endure the distance, the life changes, and still be there for each other, that’s true friendship love I want to keep forever. I am lucky to have few and they are so precious.

I wouldn’t say professional love is a thing, but it occupied a big part of my life. I had no clue what I wanted to do when I was little, had no expectation about what an ideal job could be. Yet, here I am, having the job that fulfilled me without having to work 24/7.

I guess what I want to say is our thinking of love evolves over time from single-focused type to a “diversified or balanced” love, so if one type of love is not flourishing for a while, we are okay as we can shift focus to many other loves until it returns, and it will always return.

on a lighter note, I had my first smoothie in ages! I should have captured the face of Lizzy when she tried it. She run away to get water to clean her palate! hahahah….

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