Doing the right thing vs. getting the optimal outcome

I’ve been going to massage once a week for 60 min. The ambiance is so relaxing, my mind wanders or goes into semi-asleep. I love the feeling and always wanted it to be longer. So on a Sunday afternoon, after a run that left me sore (the run was not even long but the head and humidity is back!), I decided to go for two hours massage.

It felt indulgent to disappear from home for two hours, but I quietly escaped while everyone was napping. 2 hrs later, I’ve decided 2 hrs is just too much. Yet, I had to try it.

Many times when we really want something, becoming obsessive about it, the best way to “kill” the itch is to just do it. Then we either confirm our expectation or forget about it.

Rest of our Sunday was low key. Husband took the girls for golf and I stayed to prepare this hainan chicken, girls favorite. I am letting my elbow to rest as it has been hurting, probably due to too frequent practice with incorrect posture. Time to rest and reset.

Following lunch, we played card. Sofia is getting better at it while Lizzy makes us company while eating a big piece of cake. this girl is bottomless for cakes.

Evening was lowkey too. I read while girls watched half episode of Home Alone 2 before abandoning it. Sofia wanted to watch Modern family, Lizzy wanted to watch Home Alone. Sofia was not happy about the decision (home alone as Sofia picked the movie on Saturday). I knew she would “manipulate” Lizzy to change her choice, which I really don’t like anyone doing that. Knowing Lizzy is a kind girl and likes to please sister, which means Sofia would get away with what she wants without even have to ask much. So I made the decision: home alone 2 or nothing. Half hour later they abandoned the movie.

I don’t know if I’ve made the right decision to “ruin” their movie night. I knew why I did it: I have zero tolerance for people manipulation, even among my girls. Yet, they didn’t have fun at the end. Did I do the right thing? I’d argue yes. Did I get the outcome I want? Definitely. mmmm…….

I have this inner conflict often. Doing the right thing vs. getting the optimal outcome for me. Some days I make decisions based on the former, other days the later. I’d like to be consistent about it so I don’t have to debate every time.

One thought on “Doing the right thing vs. getting the optimal outcome

  1. Ugh, yes. Being consistent is the hardest part of parenting. I am bad at that sometimes… just depends on the day. It’s so HARD when I’m either tired, just not in the mood for conflict, etc. I know that is totally not the right message to send though. I once read a book that described inconsistency with kids like this- they said, Imagine that the police/traffic enforcers sometimes totally ignored reckless speeding, and other times you could get hauled into jail for driving the exact same speed. It would be scary! As a driver, you wouldn’t know what to expect. What is the rule and punishment?? They said it’s the same with kids…they might not realize it, but they really deep down prefer to KNOW exactly what to expect, and that the outcome will be the same, every time.


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