COVID Day 9: mental game

I woke up half recharged as too much work during the day sends my mind to spin during sleep, thus not getting enough deep sleep. Yet, I was hoping to feel better few hours later. I did my usual morning routine of spending some time with the girls, did 60 min pilates, and had my 1000mg vitamins C drink.

Few hours later, I felt a bit warm, I took temperature it was 37.2. Damn… why am I still having fever? is this real? am I getting better or what? what if I turn to the other way? is that even a possibility?

I tracked my temperature every hour until 5pm, it went up to 37.5 once and hovered around 37.2. By 5pm, I was back to 36.9. During those hours, so many scenarios went into my mind as you can imagine. Suddenly I wondered if I was starting to feel breathless. The oximeter told me otherwise so I relaxed until another “panic” came in.

The hardest part of this experience is the mind game that plays out everyday depending how I feel. Maybe I am not feeling my best because I didn’t get enough restorative sleep, but during COVID, obviously I attribute it COVID, as everybody else would.

Coughing is almost gone, second day that I don’t cough much. Throat felt a bit sore in the morning but went away.

I suddenly realized…. my sense of taste is ….weird. I wouldn’t say it’s completely gone but my appetite is low. I thought it was because my sense of taste is what normal for someone who’s sick. Not that I don’t taste anything, just nothing taste good or exciting. Sense of smell is there… maybe… I am not sure. I am not sensitive to smell usually and with the nasal congestion, smelling is expected to be reduced.

The family continues to be well and asymptomatic, which I am immensely grateful. We just learned another family in our building got it and it started with the kid.

A good friend of mine’s dad just passed away, two months after he was diagnosed of lung cancer. She’s devastated and guilt is eating her up. I was in her place 3.5 years ago and it’s only on the 3rd year I can face this reality. I don’t know if I should tell her that there is an end to the tunnel of grief but it’s not as fast as one would want.

We had a staff meeting and the presenter continued to say that breakthrough cases is very rare and that vaccine is still very good at preventing infection. My mind went !#$!#$!#$%$&.

I am focusing one day at the time. I am reminding myself to be grateful to my mild case. I am grateful to small joys like Cookie staring at me as I type this.

2 thoughts on “COVID Day 9: mental game

  1. My sister in law had covid in April and she still can’t smell!!! And it has been months now! It’s CRAZY. She didn’t have a super severe case though, although she did have symptoms and stuff. (Not in hospital or anything though, no pneumonia). Hopefully your lack of smell is just from the nasal congestion though. Love the kitty picture!! She’s just TOO CUTE. 🙂


  2. One of my good friends just tested positive today and she’s in a bit of denial. She just got back from two trips … one to Florida and then one to Arkansas she was on 8 planes in the extent of 6 days. I am actually a little frustrated with her because I knew she was sick when she went to arkansas and could have avoided 6 planes. But now, I need to convince her that she need to be cautious and mask up and then get vaccinated. He husband also tested positive and has symptoms too! I think you’re being smart staying home and keeping distance. I wish everyone in the US would do that too!


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