I just went through my old blog during months of uncertainty, whether we’d be moving to a new country or not. I couldn’t find much of my mental state at the time. But I know I was in current state of mind 4.5 years ago.
As I mentioned, I am considering to look for a new assignment as this is my 5th year in the Philippines, way over due. I was excited about two places, and now I’m zoom in in one, my dream job. It has been a month of waiting for the position to open and I’ve been preparing for it. I thought I had a good chance of getting it, my old boss seems to think so too. Yesterday I had my end of year evaluation discussion with my current boss. First the good news, I got 5 out of 5, which is for 5% of his staff. I know I should be really proud of it and happy to be recognized by my hard work. But since I kind of knew that, I wasn’t particularly excited. And then, we talked about my dream job. He seemed to be less excited, as it’s the dream job for many, so the competition will be fierce and I’m probably the least experienced ones that dare to even apply. Well… I was quite down after the talk.
I realized that I want it so much that it’s affecting my life in other aspects. I haven’t sleep well this week because every day I thought would be the day that the position would be opened so I need to get ready. During my working hours, I keep reading about the country and thinking about what I would say in the interview, and in my leisure time I imagine our life there. Basically, I’m obsessed and I don’t like it.
I expressed my feelings to hubby and he’s so much wiser. He told me to chill, give my best shot and let it be, we will be fine no matter what. I know he’s right but …..
I’ll try to detach myself from it for few days and be ready to accept the unfavorable outcome, yet remain hopeful.
No school for the girls today, I plan to go with hubby to the mall to hunt for a gift. Yesterday I went to some toy stores and can’t make myself to buy one for Sofia, she’s too old for a toy. Well… let’s see if I can find something good. Otherwise, we’ve invited some of her friends this Sunday for a mini party.