Not to change but to support the change

Inspired by Starbucks mango parfait, I made parfait for the girls as dessert and they loved it. A new breakfast favorite is born 🙂

I used to want to change husband as his habits are not the same as mine. I wanted to change his eating, sleeping, and exercise habits. These are foundation for healthy lifestyle in my mind. After many years of failure, I no longer wanting to change him. Instead, I am supporting him when he’s ready for the change.

Lately his sleep quality was not good and complains about being tired all day long. As someone who recently figured out the culprit of my bad sleep, my first instinct is to tell him leave his phone out of the bedroom. Yet, I didn’t “tell” him to do that, instead I shared how I tested different ways to sleep better and found out that it was middle of the night phone checking that disrupted my sleep. I notice that after I get up at 5am, if he’s awake, he’ll put some youtube videos as background noise to help to go back to sleep. So instead of recommending him not to have the phone with him, I bought him a sleep headphone that he can use to listen while I sleep besides him. I’m not sure he is using it but I can see he appreciates the gesture.

Similarly, he tends to over eat when we eat out. Then he declares that he will eat clean for a while. Instead of saying “I told you so, I ask him: how can I support you?” Again, my role is to support him to the changes he wants to make instead of changing him.

It took me almost 8 years to realize my role. This realization influences my interaction with Sofia as well. She’ll turn 10 this year, and I want to slowly transition from telling her what to do to support what she wants to do. I notice that she’s more responsible now. I rarely have to remind her when to do what homework. She learned to plan her day and ensures she finishes her work before going to sleep.

After walking to school with both girls last week, walking to school in the morning is the default now. I don’t know why it took me so long to think about it. With Sofia the walk takes 25 min, with Lizzy 35 min. In the morning they are energetic, getting fresh air and sunshine is a fantastic way to start the day. It also gives us the opportunity to be one-to-one few times a week. I am truly enjoying it.

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