Tuesday after dinner, girls and I went to our near by groceries store. I spontaneously bought them a new type of ice cream to try. Because of this surprise factor, both girls were super excited and happy. While walking home, Sofia said she has a story to share about the girls at school. It seems that she’s no longer friends with two girls because someone asked them to write a “we are not going to play with you anymore” letter to her last week. And there’s someone in their group writing notes framing to Sofia. Teacher is addressing it.
I thought I’d react to feel bad about it, urged to do something to protect her. But I didn’t, not because I thought I shouldn’t, but because naturally I didn’t FEEL those things. Instead I was happy that she shared the story and how she’s feeling about it. Needless to say she’s disappointed with them. I didn’t tell her what to do, honestly I don’t know what I would do in her shoes. Instead, I shared my experiences about finding good friends. “They don’t come easily, they will not have all elements that you want, they might have things you don’t like. As long as they are kind to others, they are good friends (loyal, caring), you share interests and values with the person, you can give it a chance. If it doesn’t work out, that’s fine too. We can’t be BFF with everyone anyway. I found my BFF from Argentina when I was 16, my BFF in US when I was 30”. She seems happy and relieved to have shared what has been in her mind, and even more relieved that I didn’t show pity.
We are entering the teens decade. I am a bit “scared” as there will be many issues new to us. Puberty to start, which I expect very soon, I got my period at 11 and she’ll turn 11 in September. The school is teaching that and we talk about it at home.
Then girls friendship, which is complicated for any age. I don’t recall I needed friends as much as Sofia seems to, as we were moving around quite a lot and I didn’t stay in one school until I was 16. I guess as parent, my role is to create the safe space for her to talk about those things, avoid over-reacting to protect her, and see things from her length, provide advise/compassion if I have any, and brainstorm together how to face those challenges.
Our New Journey 
Parenting is so, so hard and as a mom in the middle of the tween years with a daughter – phew. But what they need most of all is support and to feel like we can relate to their struggles. Great job, and it’s wonderful you have such an open, honest, and kind relationship!
LikeLike
I think you handled it very efficiently. I don’t know what I would do. We love our kids so much that, when someone or something hurts them, we just want to exterminate the threat. I’m exaggerating but you know what I mean.
I had a friend issue just last week. I’ve been friends with this person for 12 years and over the past month I noticed she hasn’t kept in touch, then I called her, and she goes ” you don’t like me.” What? It was a shock to me. Regardless, people come into your life for a reason and they leave for a reason.
LikeLike
You handled this really well and it’s good that she didn’t seem too upset by what happened. But gosh kids can be so very mean! It’s hard to see our kids hurting but it seems like Sofia has a good head on her shoulders. I lived in the same place from birth until I graduate from HS but I did not really connect with anyone in my town. I grew up in a very rural area and wasn’t athletic so was kind of shunned. Luckily I made amazing friends in college and have continued to find wonderful friends as an adult. I was pretty down/depressed when I was middle/high school since I didn’t have any true friends but my parents told me that I would find my people when I went to college and they were right! I am hoping my kids don’t have the experience I did since they will go to a diverse school in a large city.
LikeLike