I consider myself an open-minded person who respects other lifestyles. I try not to judge but I must admit that I JUDGE all the time. It seems hard not to when we see other people’s actions. Just to take yesterday’s example. I met with 3 people.
- I had lunch at a former colleague. The person tells me not to bad mouth others while she started the conversation criticizing others. Sigh… please be consistent!!!
- I went to have afternoon tea at Y’s. I realized she got more furniture. I asked her about it and she said she got it from someone who left the country. So instead of having a large dining table, she has two medium size ones that don’t fit together. I find the habit odd (collect un-matched furniture). I like my house simple, functional, and calming. The more clutter I see, the more stress causes me. So, I wonder why she keeps collecting things she doesn’t need.
- I went to R for dinner. Their house has the exact layout than my previous manila house. Yet, it looks so different because things are displaced randomly, including a drying rack for clothes in the middle of the living room. Again, I felt I’d get crazy living there.
- I really appreciate my friend hosting me. After almost a week staying here, I realized that the fridge has so much food that went spoiled, leftover from a week ago, package food that expired. I have to restrain the urge not to start throwing away things and clean the fridge.
I am sure others judge what I do and how I live my life, and I am totally fine with it. Realizing that I am being judgmental helps me to keep them to myself and not express it, as they might be unfounded or inconsistent with their values.
5 thoughts on “Keeping judgements to myself”
I think your last paragraph has such a good point – we all have our opinions but we don’t always know the whole story and it is really how/if we express these opinions that could be hurtful or damaging. Just *having* and opinion is, to my mind, morally neutral … we can’t help observing the world and thinking about things. One of my favorite quotes in recent years is from the show Ted Lasso where he says to be “Curious, not judgmental.” I often use that phrase to preface comments/questions to my Husband when I want to ask him about something I don’t quite agree with.
I also find it interesting how “judgement” is used pejoratively these days. We all also have lots of positive opinions and thoughts about other people but we don’t call these positive sentiments “judgmental”, just the negative ones.
So true. Maybe judgement is negative if we say it out without knowing the full context. I like the idea of being curious instead of judgmental.
Oh yes, I have a lot of opinions, too, but try to almost always keep them to myself. I like Diane’s point about about “curious, not judgmental.” I should tell my husband about that. He is a questioner so he will ask questions about things – he’s probably curious but it can come off as judgmental!
I also love that quote from Ted Lasso! But I just love Ted Lasso in general.
I think it is hard to ignore the thoughts when someone lives clearly so differently than you do… of course we all feel like our way is “right”, because it’s what we are used to. I deal with it a lot especially in Mexico when we visit family because certain things are so different- and sometimes I honestly don’t like some things, or I feel like their way is “worse” for real! But I suppose they might think the same thing if they saw my side. Haha.
Like that quote “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” 😆
Oh interesting! The first instance you share is hilarious! But the others seem like a difference in preference? I’m also more of a minimalist person, but others are meximalists and like to pack textures, patterns, etc. While I just go with neutral plain tones. To each his own I suppose.